A New Beginning
by questionable king
Summary: Alucard's true desires finally come out. Walters now senile, Alucard's going sane, Integra's a dominatrix and Seras is stuck in the middle of it all. All the craziness is surrounded by humor...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!
1. Chapter 1

**king: hey guys! this is my first story so be gentle, i bruse easly.**

**Alucard: lets find out how easily *stands and walks near king***

**king: oh shit...*runs away screaming*I DONT OWN HELLSING OR ANY THING IN THIS STORY! MOMMY!**

**Walter: stupid children always runnin' around the castle, maken' messes i gots to clean. i should kills them all...**

Alucard was the creepiest person Seras knew, but for some reason he had been acting ... off.

He was around more often than not. She even woke in the middle of the day to find him in her room on a number of occations.

He was even nicer insted of his " get the fuck out of my face " mood. She was starting to wonder if he was going soft.

So she started to ask around. Maybe Integra ordered him to be nicer to her.

Seras walked to Integra's office door and knocked. She slowly opened the door.

" Sir..." stammered Seras.

" Yes Seras? Your stuttering again," Integra said as she turned to look at Seras.

" Um...did you ask Master to be nicer to me for some reason? "

Sir Integra gave her a curious look, " No i didn't. Why do you ask? And stop being so nervous. You look like i'm going to scold you for something. Did you break a vase again? WALTER! Get my whip."

" N-No Sir. I was just wondering Sir. So please, PLEASE not the whip again", wimpered Seras.

"... Good. Now i wish for you to leave me," said Integra sternly.

As Seras walked down the the hall, she realized that she was outside Alucards door.

_What the hell am i doing here?_ she thought.

As this went through her mind, the door opened and Walter stepped out of the darkness.

" Well this is a surprise", he said with his normal grin.

" Where is master? You dont need to tell me if you do not wish to",she said with a severe case nervousness.

" Why you askin me? You foo, get out my face...I am so sorry for that. I have been watching the A-team reacently. No, he was not in his room," Walter said looking at her suspiciously.

" Oh...ok well...if you see him tell him i need to speak wi-"

" Why is everyone standing infront of my door?"

Walter jumped five feet in the air. "JESUS CRIST ALUCARD! DONT DO THAT SHIT!"

" Walter, please remove youself to change your diper. Police girl, come into my room. We need to talk."

Walter turned around and started grumbling as he walked away.

The only things understood by either of the other two were whips, chains, cigars, and death.

With that, they both went into his room. Seras always envied his room.

In the center he had a large with a seat thats back was around 4 feet high and a large coffin almost the same as hers and a table in the the corner.

"Please take a seat," Alucard said with a strangely grave voice.

She walked to the coffin and sat upon the lid thinking_ oh shit...what have i done now?_

" I overheard you and Master Integra. There has been a reason for me being so weird reacently. I envy you. There are things that you should know about me that no one else knows. I was born into what i am. You had a choice. i wish i did. I have been kinder to you because i want something i can never have."

Sares was shocked. She never saw any type of emotion from him except insanity and calm. This startled her. There had to be something wrong with him. Was there enough blood in his system?

" I want to be human."

**king: Well thats all for this chapter. Please leave ideas if you got em! I'm just hoping that it is ok to combine humor with serious and Hellsing and romance.**

**Alucard: Look damn it, if you make me fall in love with Walter there will be no more stories from you.**

**Walter: FRENCH TOAST!**

**king: ...WTF?**

**Alucard: ... can i eat him now?**

**king: Untill next time!. Now i need to stop him from DESTROYING US ALL!**

**p.s. lord desh... if you read this HI!**


	2. Chapter 2

**king: Well that was odd...**

**Alucard: Human? HUMAN? YOU WANT ME TO BECOME HUMAN! WTF!**

**king: Um... your crazy remember? you're not suposed to make sense.**

**Walter: He has a point.**

**king: Hey, you shit yourself. your just as bad. and for those who dont know i dont own Hellsing. i wish but those wishes are for not. :(**

**Walter :*pulls out shotgun* excuse me?**

**king: On to the story befor I get the crap shot out of me*jumps behind Alucard* SAVE MEEE!**

Seras was shocked to say the least. Alucard just dropped a bomb the size of the moon on her.

"WHAT? Human huh? Um Master... Have you been getting into Sir. Integras "special" cigars again" she asked with a smirk on her face.

" Yes. yes i have,"he said with one in his mouth.

"Ah. well im getting the hell out of here before you eat my kidneys again."

With that she stood and ran out of the room. She decided to go tell Sir. Integra what she just heard. on the way to her office she saw a child run into the main hall. She had to follow him to see who it was.

She saw a child in a yellow school outfit.

"Schrodinger what the hell are you doing here you little rat?

"RAT? WHERE!"

" Should have seen that one comming. Get out of here you dumbass,"she yelled

" ...ok."

With that the cat-eared teen vanished into thin air.

Running back into the hall she finaly burst into Integras office and saw somethiong no one on earth would wath to see.

there was walter on all fours in a neon pink thong with Integra in a rubber domanatrix suit and a whip and Anderson video taping it all.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!"

"Well *whip* this is *whip* how i get my*Whip* fristration*whip*out," Integra said with a a cigar in her mouth.

" And i need to make some extra a prist who kills is frowned upon in most religions,"Anderson said with a spine chilling wink.

"Dont wory Seras, your next."

"LIKE HELL I AM!"

**king: yea yea yea dont bag on the short chap. block from hell. **

**Alucard: so im a pot head now?**

**king: what do you mean now? **

**Seras: Yea what do you mean now?**

**Alucaed: shut it and go away.**

**Integra: A FRIGGEN DOMANATRIX? I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR SCRAWNY ASS!**

**king: leave reviews plz and throw out some ideas, i need em.**


	3. AN

hey guys. I got a few reviews that said that the story didn't make sense, i know the story is just a buch of random bullshit but i meant for it to be. its all just a huge joke. laugh at it. hate it. flame me if thats what you want, but i hope not. dont worry about it not makeing sense at all.

thanks for all the support, king.


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